I'm still in love with imitation as a writing exercise

And thanks to the Roman rhetorician and writing teacher par excellance Quintillian for making something I find so fun "classical" and totally acceptable!

Link: The Style Invitational Week 498: Unamazing But True! (washingtonpost.com).

Washington Post Style Invitational:

Rewrite some banal instructions in the style of some famous writer

Second Runner-Up:

I'm not at home, or I'm asleep,
But do not fret, and do not weep.
Just leave a message at the beep,
Just leave a message at the beep.

-- Robert Frost

(Paul Dudley, Ellicott City)

First Runner-Up:

Remove this tag!

-- pillow warning, rewritten by Abbie Hoffman

(Charles Havekost, Vienna)

And the winner of the shotgun shell salt and pepper shaker:

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

-- by William Shakespeare

(Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

Honorable Mentions:

[...]

First you lather. Okay. Then you rinse. Then what do you do? Repeat. So you lather and rinse. And then? Repeat. It says so! So you lather and rinse . . . and when does the madness stop?

-- Jerry Seinfeld

(Bird Waring, New York)

[...]

Well, to wake up this morning, set alarm to on.
I said, to wake up this morning, set alarm to on.
Then when it rings, press snooze until it's gone.

-- B.B. King

(Jeff Seigle, Vienna)

[...]

Sometimes a cigar is just a carcinogen. -- Sigmund Freud

(Joseph Romm, Washington)

[...]

A gauzy Skein of Propylene --
That sways with slightest Breath --
This bag holds smocks -- and Bread and Milk
But -- in its folds -- lies Death.
It sways and puffs -- this Thistledown, Balloonlike in its joy --
Each tiny mouth a perfect fit -- This bag is not a toy.

-- Emily Dickinson

(Jim Roy Wilson, Washington)

[...]

Comments

[weekNouccup]

hmm interesting site. I want everyone to know about my personal particle Wanna very nice joke?)) What happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad away.